Its The End???

Its difficult for the past few days, thinking of what you are doing to ur own precious life, thinking of how to go about settling things, doing things, and on top of that, its the exam week. Those thoughts were seriously annoying and distracting. Most of my careless mistakes, i realised, are due to the misread of the questions. Aw man! its sucks. However, it's all over. All Over!

Urge! If u still like another girl, why not tell me straight? i will be more than willing to let the both of you be tgt and make sure u dun treat her as how u treated me. Why do u have to do it behind my back? That's cheating. That's not the worst. The worst is when i had settled everything with u the night b4 saying things like ok, we will change and i will do it better this time round. I tot its a new beginning which will eventually lead to a happy ending. Wat a disappointment! The immediate day after the nice talk we had, i got bad news. But i am grateful that i am not kept in the dark. However, reality always hurts, i dun deny that. To think that u are actaully substitution for someone for 10 months, kept in the dark when there were serveral occassions when he wanted a patch with the ex without even feeling guilty about what he has done, msg you with the word "darling". So well, i was treated like a bloody fool all along? I admit i was stupid. I noe and its a fact. Now thinking bout all these, the feeling sucks big time.

All i wanted was a super duper simple explantion on why u wan go about doing things this way. U kept quiet. I can even accept if u say i want to go back to her cos i noe, ur heart was never for me. If the 2 of you patch, i wish both of u happiness. Maybe that would be a happier ending, maybe that's the perfect ending. I have no idea.

lastly, i am sorry in anyway i had offended u or hurt u or whatever i did which makes u uncomfortable or disturbed u, i sincerely apologise. really! i am sorry! Pls blame me no more.

Letting it go?

Been feeling rather down since the last post. Nothing change much though. Everything remain the same, exactly the same it was. I was expecting for a change somehow? Just didnt get the hint. Let go is easy to say but so dam difficult to complete. I wonder how long do i still need.
Who likes being treated as a backup? Who likes the feeling of being abandon? who likes?
suppose to concentrate on nothing else but my studies now. Its the MST week! But what am i doing everyday? Screwed up my itab paper today! SUCKS!
I usually have STM, but why is it now that i have LTM? This illness always come at the wrong time and for the wrong things. Haiz. Wats life man!
Been trying very very hard to forget. Somehow, its making improvment. However, they are some things that really cant be let go all of a sudden. But, everytime when i am making the slightest progress, i start thinking back again. Tats my setback.

Qoute of the day: If u are able to carry it in the first place, u will eventually be able to put it down.
Mood of the day: Sucks!

Secretly weeping, but not anymore since I'm waiting this,
Wonder where I was in your heart when you were enjoying yourself?
Its not like I didn't want to be there for you everytime, but rather, i couldn't
I was having problems on my own, to let you see the state i was in, i wouldn't
I did complaint that you were never there at all, but wat did you do?
Through my proudest moments, past darkest falls.

As luck would have it, that when i needed you
I took off somewhere looking for another listening ear.
Two people can't possibly rant to each other at the same time
That way i'll only end up in a mass festival of quarrels.
Like the stems of crepper plants carelessly intertwine.
I can be the creep, you'll be the vine.

Just days before my examinations, when i should be mugging
Here i am, spending my nights, regretting.
Tried my best all the time to be on your side,
but unfortunately, you found me irritating instead.
and all we could ever do was fight.
even before I could repent and apologise,
It was such an unfortunate surprise,
i am really afraid that you will find someone else to count on,
Someone,
More cheerful, reliable, and if not better, just as nice.
telling you the truth,
i think i really fallen for you.
i keep thinking of you.
however, do you care?
do you even know?
i hate myself.
i hate myself for giving myself so many tortures.

How did i react to this?
You really wanna ask?
I pretended to be happy, tried not to exist
I never fused, never fussed.
I attempted to stay out of your way,
to do things ur own way.
And it turned out to be a complete failure.
inside I know I'm NOT okay.
do you know?
have you ever asked?
did u ever tried to found out why i am feeling this way?

Enough of me talking about me
You're having problems of your own, obviously.
if you bumped into someone, somewhere, coincidentally
To your heart, she probably still has the key,
For that I apologise once again for all my mistakes.
Not being able to see you due to parental control,
Not my fault if one unfortunate day,
you love me no more.

And sorry for writing about you,
I really have no choice.
I have to be open with my feelings too,
Maybe my bad luck i have with boys.
I'm sorry for that also
For not being a good and sweet and nice gf for you,
Not being an ear to listen understand, and know.
By the time you read this, it might probably already be the end of our bond.

But i really hope not.
Its all my cursed fault.

imabouttobreak.

siAnnnEDDD...

tired tired tired!!!

had a busy cum work out week! went jogging and played badminton during this week! hahas!

tmr sch starts! however, my feeling is like excited but not very, looking-forward but not very, something like tat! i oso not very sure of my own feelings now. dam MIXED!

this time the timetable sucks. i dunno why the sch wish to plan it like tat for the students. so many 2 hours break. haiz... sch is liddat though, wat to do? does complaining helps?

argh...

i think there is something wrong with my internet time and the normal time!

i said 1.20pm but my post was posted at 10 plus...

funny!

hello... it's only afternoon.

Go or Dun go?

argh!!!!!!!!
should i go or dun go?????? being in a dilema (is that how u spell it?) sucks!
dunno wat i should do now! my heart and my brain dun work together...

now is like already 1.20pm and yet i am not doing anything...

2 more days to sch reopen...

siannnnnnnned...

WaT a DaY tOdAy!

1st : woke up feeling dam tired, dun even feel like going to work. dam restless. but still? of course still need to go work. but first, need follow mother to the hospital to show my student pass... dun ask me why! LOL.

2nd : obviously i was late for work and got things to settle before leaving the office. sooooo rush throughout and guess where i went. YEW TEE! FAr Far fAr... haha! the mrt journey was like 1 hr?! round there lahs...

3rd : someone called, i got angry! i really dam pissed with THIS PERSON! THIS PERSON never fails to anger me whenever i am not amgry! THIS PERSON is very irritating lahs. THIS PERSON is suppose to meet me but in the end cos of some stupid reason he cant meet me. i mean, a whole day at home and u didnt noe tat ur wallet is gone? abit ridiculous lei... i was DAM pissed, angry, hurt, dissappointed, and watever u say it u name it. i didnt noe THIS PERSON would do this to me lahs... AND AND AND this is not the first time already! HAIZ...

4th : I got no sales the whole day today! it is dam SAD lah. but nvm la, nothing has to be more saddening than the third. that was really a big blow...

5th : i am STILL ANGRY till now! ARGH...