Freak.

Sometimes, i feel that i seriously dunno what others want of me. i find it so difficult to fulfil their expectations or otherwise, i dunno how to make them happy. i tried to do things to the best. i tried to be a dumb ass entertainer, i tried to do whatever i could, even if it was originally out of my own means. i did that, jus to get that slightest smile on everyones' faces. i wonder, am i still doing too little?
i noe i may not be a good friend, a good listener, a good companion, a good adviser, a good planner, a good person to begin with. but i tried ways to improve myself. thn i wonder again, am i still doing too little?
i thought i could please everyone, i set high hopes and expectation for myself. i thought i could be the peacemaker, i attacked and defended. i thought i could be a blanket to cover everyone, instead i overestimated myself. i forced that smile on my face, but what's inside, its jus an empty space, no one knows wat i it, except for myself. again i asked myself, am i still not doing enough?
i dun mind putting in all my efforts, being a joker, entertainer, imitator, clown or whatsoever for joy, laughter and peace. but afterall, i am a human. i do have feelings. i feel so tired trying to keep all inside. its exploding, reaching my limits. i tried to tell people, but who understands? who actually listens? so why add to their worries? but still, i am asking, am i really not doing enough?